You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
