Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
