Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
is that a dick in a sweater?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
