were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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