if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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