Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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