Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
