Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize