bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize