Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
