After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
