why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
