Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
