hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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