HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
