if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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