in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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