why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
