'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
