Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
