I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
