I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
