then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
