I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
