I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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