i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His hands were made for my vagina.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
