I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
