i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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