Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
