He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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