i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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