Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
