Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
