be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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