guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
