I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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