Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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