I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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