I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
