Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize