My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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