I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
