i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
