but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
