The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize