Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
