Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize