i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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