So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
