I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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