$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
