john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
