It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
