When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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