Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
