I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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