This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
