i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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