I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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