I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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