remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
