worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
