the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
